Giving Feedback in a Game

I HEAR A LOT OF GMs on various forums say “I wish my players would give me feedback,” and a lot of players saying, “I wish I could give my GM feedback.”

Generally what holds people back from giving feedback is the fear that they will wound the other party. Players by and large hold their GMs in deep affection even when they dislike some aspect of the game—sometimes to the point of being willing to leave the game without ever speaking to the GM about it. That’s how deeply they fear the wound that critique may give.

What follows are my tips for giving feedback in a way that doesn’t destroy your GM, your game, and your friend group.

Cultivate a table culture of feedback

If you are able, introduce this at your session zero. “How do we want to give feedback at our table?” Sometimes the question is framed as “what do we do if there’s a problem,” which completely links feedback to problems and increases worry. Advocate for any regular feedback mechanism that people seem open to.

Try to start with positive feedback. Maybe players can award each other with inspiration at the end of a session for great play.

Why? My experience at the table is that positive feedback gives rise to more positive feedback and to a more open and sharing culture, which helps with negative feedback when it’s needed. It also brings a real bond to the group. People feel seen and valued.

“Jim, I admire the way you integrate components when you cast spells!” Sometimes, this is followed with “I wish I could swing my sword with that kind of panache. I’ve got some ideas though, I’ll try them next session.”

Whether or not there is a formal agreement, as a player you have the ability to do this anyway at the end of every session, whether it’s formal or not. Remember that you are sowing the seeds of open exchange.

How to give a compliment

Lots of people live in environments where they never hear compliments. Compliments are seen as cringe, manipulative, fake, or just plain weird. This is especially true for socially awkward people who are totally not the majority of roleplaying gamers, and definitely don’t include anyone reading this post. Here’s my big tip for not sounding fake:

• Make your compliments really small and specific: “I like that thing you do where you have insults ready when we fight a bad guy,” or “Your bless spell is saving us every battle—great fighting.” To be able to give a compliment like this, you have to notice what the others are doing. I like to keep a little notepad and make a star when I notice something.

Compliment the GM and the other players evenly. An unhealthy dynamic at the table is when interaction flows only between GM and players, and not player-to-player. That puts a lot of pressure on the GM, the exact opposite of what you want if you want an open atmosphere where change is OK.

How to ask for a change

If you want to critique, realise that what you are really asking for is some kind of change. Complaints such as “This game is boring,” or “My other GM makes fights more fun,” are not constructive and not welcome. You might need to vent somewhere else; but when you bring it to the table it should be productive.

If you truly don’t know what you want to change, or what can change, you can focus on yourself: “Hey everyone, I’m finding myself getting distracted during combat, does anyone have any suggestions?”

The easiest way to ask for a change that you know you want is if the change is small and easy to implement. “Do you mind if we take a five minute break at half-time? I can do the timekeeping if that’s easier for you,” is a pretty easy ask, and unlikely to permanently wound the GM.

Unfortunately, requesting small, easy to implement changes is difficult because the problems you can have at a game seem SO BIG. Below, I’ve tried to tackle some of the biggest sources of complaint.

Reframing complaints

I looked at a bunch of Reddit posts where people were complaining about their GMs or asking for advice (I know, people complaining on Reddit? Shocking.) These were some of the most common complaints:

• This game is boring
• Combat is so boring and all we do is fight
• There’s not enough combat
• I can’t tell what we’re doing
• The game is unfocused
• Whatever I do, it doesn’t make a difference
• The GM favors one player unfairly
• The GM is arbitrary and changes the rules
• We just have to do what the GM wants
• This other player is really bothering me

I’ve kind of grouped these. I haven’t included games where you feel unsafe or targeted. No game should be an excuse for abuse or insult. In my opinion you should just leave those games. This is about a game that you think could be good except this one thing.

Boring

Boring. If you think the game is “boring” I refer you to my list of player-led upbeats. In my opinion, the onus for making a fun game lies at least as much with the players as with the GM. Once you have accepted that you, yourself, are a source of fun in the game, you can ask for the table to change things to enable your fun.

If there is too much combat, just say, “For me, there’s too much combat. Can we leave time for other things?” If everyone else thinks that there is the right amount of combat, you have two choices: find the fun in combat or leave the game for another game. Similarly, if there is too little combat for you, but the rest of the group thinks it’s just right, you can find the fun in RP or social or find another group that appreciates the combat game as much as you do.

Variations on this theme:

• The GM/other players talk too much: “I would like more time for my character in the spotlight. Can we try a spotlight counter?”
• Combat turns are taking too long: “I have to wait a long time for my turn in combat and I would like to speed it up. What does everyone think about rolling to-hit and damage dice at the same time?”

Rudderless

Rudderless. If you can’t tell what you are supposed to be doing, overall, in the game, you may be in a game where the expectation is that the characters set the goals. This might come from a character’s backstory, or it might be something you pick up from the world. For example, if your character came from a burned village, maybe their goal is to find out who burned the village. First, check it out with the table, “Hey, everyone, I am not sure where we should be going. Should we be following our personal goals, or did I miss something?” If it is a table where character goals are expected, then together the party should work out whose goal is the next one to tackle, and what the first step might be.

Not enough to go on. A variation on the theme is when a GM believes that you should have to earn all the information by looking in the right place, asking the right person, and so on. Of course, a certain amount of this is part of the game, but when it gets to be too much, you can be stalled for lack of information. You can say, “I get frustrated finding clues, I would appreciate more hints on important information.” Maybe you are worried about feeling stupid, but I assure you others in the party will feel the same way.

Agency

Railroading. Feeling like you are a pawn in the GM’s script can turn even the brightest game into a slog. This is a difficult one but I would recommend being direct. “I felt like my character could not make a difference in this specific scene, and I would like more scenes where the choices I make have an impact.” If the GM is able to change how they run the game, don’t forget to compliment them! A lot of GM’s run this way because they think they are supposed to have a big story planned, so it’s worth a conversation. If they don’t mend their ways after direct feedback, it might be time to part ways.

Table Conflicts

Annoying player habits. If another player’s style is bothering you, don’t tell the GM. Instead, remember the GM is just a player like you, and it’s not their responsibility to sort out things between players. During your designated feedback time, say to the other player, “Hey Jim, I know you like action but sometimes it makes me feel like my character doesn’t get a chance to react to the situation. Can you check with us before Leroy Jenkins rushes in?” for example, or “Hey Kyle, I’m having trouble connecting with Edgy McRogue, and when you have long solo scenes the rest of us get left out. Can we make a connection so someone can go with you?” None of these are easy conversations, but you can have them above table as members of a play team.

Playing favorites. A variation on this is GM favoritism, where one player gets the spotlight, the magic items, and so forth. Sometimes the GM is a jerk, of course, but sometimes they do this without really realising it. “I feel like all the good magic items are going to Monica’s PC. Maybe we can do some kind of tracker to make sure we all get the same amount?”

Listening to feedback

As a GM and as a player, you need to be open to feedback, even though sometimes the truth is hard to hear. If your GM can’t take or won’t listen to feedback, to me, that is a red flag for the group.

That doesn’t mean you, or your GM, have to agree to all the points raised, or the solutions offered. If the point is offered generally, like “Combat isn’t fun,” try to get at what is meant: is it that turns take too long? that one person doesn’t know their spells? that math is hard? Each one of these could have a different solution.

In my experience, opening up feedback leads to a really positive table culture. I usually use the “Stars and Wishes” framework after every session, and I have been surprised by what the players value, and about how much it helps my overall confidence as a GM.

Patchwork Paladin is a one-person writing, design, and comment shop for tabletop roleplaying games. She writes a weekly newsletter as well as game guides, play aids, adventures, settings, and solo games. Stop by and see!